Believing Grace

The sunset speaks my language. It tells me He never changes. It tells me He is faithful. It tells me everyday, He is with me. I breathe in deep, soaking in the moment... savoring rest. I look at the radiance filling the sky, spilling into my soul, and I know that He is. He is.

Faith. Believing. Trusting.

Sometimes I don't want to believe unless I feel.

Sometimes I don't want to believe unless circumstances prove.

Sometimes I wonder if He understands these tears of longing to be where He is.

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (John 20:29)

I look out and I see brokenness. All around, seeming devastation. I look in and see my own depravity. I turn to the right and to the left... every which way I face attack. Around every corner another temptation calls my name. I feel the pressure. I feel the heat. Where are you God? Where are Your promises fulfilled?

"He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?" (Romans 8:32)

{Didn't He already prove Himself on Calvary?}

God is good. If I do not believe that I cannot trust Him.

Christ. Hanging dead upon the cross. All hang their head in defeat. No one sees God's Grace, and they wonder why they followed that man for so long. They put all of their trust in Him. In sorrow, they wonder why He left them. But God... He is not ignorant. He knew. He knew it was victory. He knew it was Grace given to all. He knew. It pleased the LORD to crush Him (Isaiah 53:10). While all are lamenting defeat, God smiles. It is finished.

I feel the fire burning. Sweat dripping from my forehead. Would a good Father want this for His children? But God... He is not ignorant. And He whispers, "Praise Me, thank Me for My Goodness, believe My Grace, I am working."

Everything seems far, and everything feels backwards.

Yet in faith I walk forward... trusting He is good, believing His grace is sufficient. That He is enough.

Even this fire. Even this sorrow. Even this pain.... Is God's goodness, is God's Grace.

I cannot know what is good for me. Everyone believed that God's goodness, victory, and grace was going to come through Jesus Christ setting up His Kingdom on earth in that moment. But God knew what His children needed. And He did what no one understood.

I see this mystery before me... "what is this?". But

I receive. "He knows. He knows". And I rest in His all sufficient grace. Believing when I don't see.

And He calls me blessed. I am.

{I am using this blog post to enter a competition to win a scholarship to go to a conference called She Speaks: http://shespeaksconference.com/. She Speaks Conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God, and it is my desire to be used by Him (through speaking, writing, and other forms of communication) to draw the hearts of His daughters closer to Him. This is the post that shared the scholarship with me: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/how-christians-create-art-she-speaks-scholarship/. }