What I'm taking with me...

My time in Haiti with Danita’s Children has almost come to an end. I leave here on Saturday (May 15th). As I look back on all my time here, I can’t even believe how far I’ve come. The Lord has not only grown me in spiritual ways, but also in practical ways.

I remember when I first started serving here, I had a continual fear lingering over my head of doing something wrong, or messing up. I wanted to be a blessing, I wanted to serve and I wanted to serve well. I didn’t want to disappoint or let down. It took me some time to come to the conclusion that my sole purpose here was to be obedient to the Lord and work unto Him with all my heart. It is serving Him, pleasing Him that I should always strive for. Often times, as embarrassing as this is to admit, my fear of messing up kept me from taking initiative.

Those who saw me when I first came, and those who see me now would all agree that I am not the same person as when I came. In so many ways I have grown from the fearful child, to the child who has complete faith in Her Father’s ability to provide and accomplish great and mighty things. I truly came to a new recognition of my own frailty, and my desperate need for Jesus Christ to continually live in and through me. This experience has been incredibly humbling in so many ways. It is easy to say with your mouth that you are nothing, but in your heart have a lofty perspective of yourself. God revealed in so many ways that I had that lofty perspective of myself… that I thought I was something in and of myself. But God definitely went to great lengths to show me that I am really, truly absolutely nothing apart from Him.

I want to share a story of a woman who has truly taught me the meaning of this verse, “Did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith…” (James 2:5). The name of this woman is Tida, She is Haitian, and she is one of the staff that works with the children. I have had the blessing and privilege of serving alongside this woman during my time serving the Port Au Prince children. God has given Tida and I such an amazing connection and union of heart and spirit. God, in His graciousness, has enabled us to communicate in great depth to each other. She has shared with me so much of her life and faith. She has taken me to see her home to meet her family. But most of all, she has inspired me with her resolute faith. Her faith is absolutely unshakable, founded on the solid rock of Jesus Christ. She told me the story of how one of her sons was really sick… and Tida literally had nothing. She had no money. She had nothing. She had nothing in the material world to cling to. But she had her heavenly Father. And she told me that day and night she was on her face, weeping, crying out to God, praying that He would help her… praying that He would heal her son… praying that He would in His power help her and her family. All she could do was trust in God. All she had was God, she had nothing else to put her trust in, which enabled her to put her trust in the only place worth our trust… Almighty God. God, being faithful, connected Tida’s path with Danita Estrella (founder of Danita’s Children). Danita was able to help Tida’s son and to also give Tida a job that she would be able to support her family. Now Tida has her basic necessities… a house, clean water, clothes, and food. But even with those things, she does not hope in them. She remembers that it was her Faithful Father who rescued her, who heard her cries and delivered her… and that is where her faith and trust remains. I have never met one person who has faith like her. In even the slightest time of need, her immediate reaction is to turn to God and pray. His praise is constantly on her lips, and she is always filled with joy and peace in Him. She is the most wonderful woman, and she has inspired me in so many ways. And she has taught me so much about faith and about the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father who loves His children.

As the summer approaches, I am eagerly looking forward to my time at Ellerslie Training. I believe that God has a plan for sending and enabling me to go there, and I cannot wait to see what He has purposed and what He will accomplish.

I do not know the path which lies ahead, and I cannot see clearly the details of God’s plan for my life. He has absolutely used this time serving with Danita’s to further hone in on the type of ministry and missions that He has called me to and prepared me for. The following reveals so much of what God has taught me and revealed to me while serving here in Haiti. And what I will be taking with me.

God, with increasing intensity, has revealed so profoundly to me that I have missed a lot of things. I became so caught up in the who, what, where, when... that I forgot about the why. During my time here I have so much come to realize that the absolute essence of my life must be intimacy with the Almighty God and bringing the opportunity of that intimacy to others. Love. Love God. Love Others. This is my reason for living! My primary calling in life is not to rescue orphans (oh, but it is a good thing!). But even in that you can fall short of what God has called you to. As it says in 1 Corinthians 13:3, "If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing." Oh, how easy it is to think that because we are doing something of significance, it automatically means we are in God's will, or that we are well with Him. But it is so very possible, and so very easy to do good and charitable things without bringing a single smile to the Lord's face.

I feel also that rescuing and loving orphans became more important to me than God and spreading His renown. What a terrible battle it is to not love the work God has called you to more than you love the God who called you to do it. Oh Lord, I pray that you would heal me of my shortcomings. God, forgive me for not loving You more. Forgive me for forgetting that my sole purpose in this life is to make You known and bring You glory. Oh Lord, help me to not love the work more than I love You for if I have not love for You the work is void! Oh God, teach me how to serve You rightly.

I don't know yet exactly what I will do. But I feel like my eyes have been set right again. It does not matter so much where or to whom so much as it matters that out of love for my Maker, out of love for others, and through eyes that see things of eternity, that I would speak the gospel boldly to those who have not heard. That I would bring Light to the darkest of places. That even if I never get to adopt a single child, there would be many added to the Father's family.